This past year has led me through dark valleys and left me with deep scars. Yet this year has also led my heart to a new place of joy, contentment, and peace.
About a year ago, my sweet Momma began having intense pain in her back. Soon she was in a wheelchair, fighting to find a solution to her pain. When news was found Mom's cancer had spread, she resolved to fight with courage and joy. She did exactly this until October 22, when she drew her last earthly breath and entered into the kingdom God had prepared for her.
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April 2014-A special day at the zoo with Brown family |
As I look back on my journal from last Easter this is what I found:
Father, I recognize I am unworthy to know your boundless grace and everlasting love. I know I hurt your heart in the way I am angry and worried and allow my fear about Momma to cause my joy to go away. I believe in you to heal her. I believe and trust in you to sustain her. Take away the cancer. Keep it from spreading. Heal her back Father, take away the pain. Fill her with your joy and presence during this hard season. I give my Momma to you. Thank you for holding her, carrying her, filling her heart with you. Guide the doctors as they make decisions. Sustain my sweet Momma Father. I plead and bow before you. Thank you.
My Heavenly Father did answer this prayer in so many ways. It was only in His joy could Momma face another day of pain with a smile on her face, loving and caring for us during this trial. It was only through His presence could she face another procedure with a peaceful contentment. It was only through His faithful provision did He completely heal my Momma of all earthly pain and sorrow.
Since October I have discovered and fallen more in love with the character of God than I ever have. God has listened to my anger, my small faith, my doubts, counted every tear, yet has still chosen to show His love to me through His word, my hubby, family, friends, sunshine, laughter, my students, and music.
Some days I do not have a smile to give. I do not want to get out of bed. Simple tasks such as getting ready for the day sometimes feels insurmountable. There are nights where my pillow is soaked with tears and I can't catch my breath from sobs. Please realize I am experiencing deep sorrow YET my heart knows the truth.
This is the truth I want to reflect on with you today.
This Easter is different for me because I know my Momma is in heaven with our Risen Savior, celebrating the greatest victory our world will ever know-Christ's victory over death.
My heart finds a newfound JOY as I read Revelation 4 and imagine this amazing scene of worship. Around the throne there is a emerald rainbow reflecting on a sea of glass. The throne is surrounded by wondrous, living creatures with wings who are always, day and night, saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come." The throne is of wonder as He who sits on it is shining as brilliant jasper. John also hears a chorus of heavenly choir singing praise. How amazing to imagine Momma worshipping here!
This is the same John who documents Jesus saying in chapter 16:33, "These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
About 2,000 years ago the disciples with Mary Magdalene and other women believers, found the stone rolled away, the seal broken, the grave clothes empty, angels telling them the good news,"HE IS RISEN!"
Jesus Christ gives us profound HOPE today through his Resurrection. Not only are we offered everlasting life through this precious gift of grace, we are offered peace on this Earth as we face trials and tribulation.
These past few weeks I have been memorizing 1 Peter 1: 3-9. The same Peter who ate fish and drank coffee (ok, probably not but I'm gonna pretend) with the Resurrected Jesus by the sea. This is where Jesus restores Peter and tell him to feed his sheep. (John 21)
Peter writes:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who according to His ABUNDANT MERCY
has given us a LIVING HOPE
through the RESURRECTION of Jesus
to an INHERITANCE incorruptible, undefiled, and does not fade away,
reserved in HEAVEN for you,
who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you GREATLY REJOICE,
though now if need be, for a little while,
you have been GRIEVED BY VARIOUS TRIALS,
that the GENUINENESS of your faith,
being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire,
may be found to PRAISE, GLORY, HONOR, and GLORY at the revelation of Jesus,
whom having not seen you LOVE,
though you do not see him, yet believing,
your REJOICE with JOY INEXPRESSIBLE and full of glory
receiving the end of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Let us rejoice amist our grief today friend. We truly have so very much to rejoice about. We live in the abundance of God's love, with an unfading promise of heaven, an eternal life with the Risen Savior.
Happy Easter!
